Present Time Consciousness

Present time consciousness: Athletes call it being in the “zone”, I call it “paying attention.” This is a practice I’d like to get better at.  I often find myself drifting off in a daydream to a far away past or to thoughts of the future.  These thoughts are necessary, in the same way that a melody needs notes played before and after the current notes to really be a song. In the same way we must be in the “now” in order to actively participate in the song of own lives.

I digress, I remember making the determination that I liked to sing when I was three years old.  I was in my grandparents family room and a jingle came on the TV that I wanted to mimic with the goal of hitting the high note.  Apparently, my vocal dexterity had not developed and the Mariah Carey-esque note I was trying to achieve sounded more like the shrill holler of a toddler in need to the adults around me.  Grandma asked “What are you doing??” I proudly answered “Singing!” Like most little girls, I was promptly signed up for dance classes and as a result I can stroll pretty smoothly in just about any high heel shoe.  (How to walk in high heels).  (How NOT to walk in high heels).

*Video disclaimer for karma’s sake… I have tripped in public before, in both flats and heels. So there.


Back to the now: Presently, I am a single mom.  I have seven year old twins who love Jesus, and who are brilliant, kind, funny and gorgeous.  I live in a great house in the suburbs that has an amazing story behind it’s acquisition (I’ll tell that story later).  I have a great car because of the great Grandparents (a.k.a. “The Grands”).  I have a job that I (according to the American educational system’s standards) am not qualified for, with awesome employers who have become awesome friends.  I’ve been surrounded by people who really care about me just for the sake of caring.  I don’t appear to the naked eye to be a former junkie-street-runner-rebel, which I am.  My relationships with family have been (almost) fully restored – by the grace of God – after I destroyed them.  I have all of my faculties, minus average  joke telling abilities.  Most importantly – because of God’s grace, I have a relationship with Him.  He did not abandon me, leave me or forsake me, even though I asked Him to.

I am sharing these things with you so that you can know the glory of the Lord in my life as you continue to read my blog in which my not-so-cheery past will be shared.

(Hebrews 11:19) Abraham reasoned that if Isaac died, God was able to bring him back to life again. And in a sense, Abraham did receive his son back from the dead.


In the beginning…

In the beginning was the Word… (John 1:1) And he is the head of the body, the church: who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead; that in all [things] he might have the preeminence. (Col 1:18)

God has always been with me.  I know that now, anyways, but I didn’t always.  I went thru the stereotypical teenage angst, thinking “What does it all mean… what is the purpose of it all?” finally concluding that there was no meaning and we’re all just haphazardly here, roaming about until we die.  Woe was me, and to all who feel that way.

Recently I was asked to share my testimony with others – to tell the story about how Jesus saved my life, not only on this earth but for eternity and I’m not a very good story teller in person.  And I’m a particularly terrible joke teller – although most people I know think I’m pretty funny.  So I was nervous, because how do you share something as profound (to me) as how I was saved from self-destruction in a listenable manor when you’re not particularly good at this sort of thing?  Trust God.

I read the following recently in this blog and it explains perfectly how I feel about sharing my testimony – and will also explain the name of this blog as well: (Mark 12:41-44)

(In the) story about the widow (who gave) the two copper coins Jesus observed how people were giving in the temple and said “For all of them have contributed out of their abundance; but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.”

The main point of the text is NOT that Jesus wasn’t condemning the religious folks, he was calling them a bunch of hypocrites, crooks, and cheats. The main point is NOT Jesus being concerned about who you give to, whether it’s a good cause or not.

The main point here is that Jesus is talking about giving as an act of worship, an act of the heart, an act of love. Giving is about God! She out of her poverty, she gave herself.
In this widow’s case it doesn’t even makes sense what she is doing. She’s poor. Out of her poverty ὑστέρησις (hysterēsis) she put in everything she had. The base word, Latin root for here is the same one as hysteria, a reluctance, internal friction in the moving parts.

Isn’t that what like much of our giving is like; I can so relate to this idea. Out of the hysteria in our lives, out of our feeling of poverty, our internal friction, we give or not.

Many contribute out of their abundance, that’s a good thing, that’s worthwhile, God wants us to give, but it’s not why we should give. The act of giving is an act of worship. An act of love, an act of the heart.

This is why I write.  This is why I share my life.  This is my act of worship, act of love, act of the heart.

(Revelation 12:11) And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives to the death.