My shade of see-through

There’s been such a large, grand canyon sized gap in my blog postings because a while back I realized something clear as a summer’s day:

I am putting myself OUT THERE.  I mean really out there.  One would think that this concept is a no-brainer for the person who decides to blog – I mean this IS the WORLD WIDE WEB – but I guess I didn’t really expect anyone to actually read my blog.  So, when I saw that eighty-eight people viewed my blog in one day I started having all kinds of paralyzing conversations with myself.

“What do they think of me?”, I wondered.  “Am I offending people?”,  I pondered.  “Are they judging me???  They’re judging me!”  and “What if my family reads these perceptions on my life?”   My heart beats faster at the thought, even now.

But I still feel an obligation to write.  To tell my story as I see it, knowing full well that no one on earth will ever see my story the same exact way I do.  Never.  And it’s OK.  No one will ever see your story the way you see it.  And it’s OK!  I also know that people will read and will see this brutal, beautiful life and will see glimpses of themselves – and hopefully, Lord hopefully, be encouraged to get just a step further down the road when everything else around us seems to scream “STOP! Turn back!”.  I also hope to keep at the forefront of my mind that this is OUR space – OUR world wide web.  One which I share with my friends and family and that whatever I write should protect them and love them.

I also realized that I don’t really know where to start.  There’s so much to tell that every time I start to share I think “Oh! I want to tell them this part so they really get this other part” and find myself on a rabbit trail that’s not that far from Alice’s Wonderland trail.

So, I think if right now I ask for your forgiveness for the impending ramblings and sometimes contradictory thoughts of this American woman I might get up the courage to keep typing.

Here we go.

 

Rachel

 

 

 

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